My unexpected and Prolonged Sabbatical
First of all I would like to wish everyone a happy new year. With 2013 behind us and a new year ahead of us, it’s like starting afresh, a new chapter, a blank page and where better to start than revisiting the blogs I haven’t visited in a really long while.
2013 was a year of change for me, so many changes came about and so many good things came out of those changes but upon reflection I guess some not so good things also came out of the busy year I had. This is the story of my long and unexpected sabbatical and what I have learned.
The end of March and beginning of April of 2013 was a very trying time for me and also for my Dom and life Partner, formerly referred to as Papa G. He left town for a trade show all the way on the other side of the country and at the same time I had a growing relationship with a new friend. Soon after my Partner left, I changed, my behaviour changed and my outlook on life changed. The time apart cleared my head and upon reflection on my relationship with him I realised that I wasn’t where I wanted to be in life, I wasn’t who I wanted to be and things had to change. We had a relationship that was poisoning us both, we were bad for each other and because of that we were not moving forward but rather backwards. I don’t want to go into the personal details so I hope that summary will do. I made the decision to break off the 5 year engagement and end our 7 year relationship and when He returned in the first week of April, our relationship came to an unpleasant end. At the same time, my relationship with a friend blossomed into something more, albeit long distance and online.
The Months That Followed:
The months that followed the breakup were trying but also exciting and full of change. I started a new, healthy and active lifestyle. I changed Jobs. I fell madly in love with a much older man in another country. After we parted ways Papa G and I experienced changed in our personalities, lifestyles and just about every other facet of our lives. We still both worked for the same companies but had very limited contact. I observed the changes in him from afar while growing my new relationship with a man I had never met in person. I fell very deeply in love and even started saving up for a vacation abroad so I could meet the man I was in love with and give our relationship a 6 – 12 week dry run in real life. Over the next few months, April to June of 2013, I got to know this new man, his flaws and faults but also his endearing qualities but it turned out that as much as I loved him, his emotional baggage and the way he dealt with it were just not compatible with me and my personal needs.
In June I received some very bad news; Reese, the son of a very good and dear friend, had been in a horrible motorcycle accident and was in very bad shape in hospital. The circle of friends reached out to everyone we knew for support, prayers and hope and I reached out to Papa G for his prayers and assistance. A week later Reese passed away and I was devastated. Not only was the man I loved turning out to be completely incompatible with me but someone I cared very much for had died. I was alone, I felt lost and very bewildered so I turned to the only person I knew I could once upon a time trust and whom I still had feelings for, Papa G.
I don’t know why He did it but I am eternally grateful that He did, Papa G offered me emotional support, advice, an ear to listen and friendship when I needed it most. We started talking to each other over Skype cam and a few days later He came over to the office and that first hug felt like all my worries in the world just melted away right then and there.
We had both changed so much, we were both stronger, more independent, more responsible, happier…it was like we were both completely different people yet still the same in some ways. Spending some time with him was so good, his caring and understanding, his listening to me talk about the other man and offering sound advice helped me admit what I knew was true but didn’t want to acknowledge: the other man was dragging be back down and not treating me as I needed or deserved. Papa G and I decided to remain friends (with some very fun benefits!) and I broke it off with the other man which completely and utterly broke my heart because I had really fallen for him.
The following weeks Papa G and I spent in a bit of limbo because we were friends with benefits but also clearly more. Eventually we sat down and had a talk about our relationship and decided to make it official, we were back together!
The Rest of 2013 in a Nutshell:
The Honeymoon was soon over and Papa G and I settled into a quasi-routine of him sleeping over regularly because we no longer live together and we have been working on our relationship. Even though we have both undergone much change to ourselves and our personalities in the time we were apart, a relationship of any kind is still a lot of hard work and we have had our fair share of lovers’ quarrels in the past few months. Marked improvements in our relationship from before the breakup are that we are both more responsible individuals, we both have better jobs and career paths ahead of us, we communicate more openly and more often and much better than we ever did before. We are good together, good for each other and I feel we are just cosmically meant to be together. At this point in time I cannot imagine sharing my life with anyone else.
Other Fun Developments:
I got my lip, tongue and nose pierced in 2013 and I also got my first tattoo, a large chest piece that was very painful but I am very happy with it and it gets me a lot of attention whenever and wherever I go out.
I started collecting My Little Pony, a passion of mine and something I never gave thought to before because I had the skewed impression that adults don’t do toys other than those used for fun in the bedroom – something society had made me believe as I became an adult. I now have an impressive arsenal of 122 plastic and stuffed ponies and my collection is growing every month little by little.
I lost 26.5 kgs (about 59 lbs) to date since April of 2013, a total of 3 – 4 dress sizes so I am super happy about that and will be starting a new 12 week workout and eating plan at the end of January – YAY!!!
Everyone who knows me is so impressed with and pleasantly surprised by the changes in me since April of 2013. I get so much support from the people I care about and who care about me, especially my Monster (He has been renamed from Papa G). I am so thankful for everyone who loves me and supports me, even though I can only count my true friends and loved ones without using all 10 fingers, never mind employing my 10 toes. At this point I am happy, loved and progressing forward each and every day. Even though there are setbacks and obstacles and even though I sometimes fall completely flat on my face, Monster is there every step of the way to pick me back up, dust me off and nudge me in the right direction. I also balance Him out by nudging him in the right direction and supporting him when He needs it (and even when He doesn’t lol).
I decided to return to my blogging after my experience with Monster this past weekend, we got the opportunity to spend some time in my home alone (my Mom went away on a mini-break) and for the first time in a very long time, I felt happy, safe and trusting enough in my relationship and my life that my inner little came out, something I had almost all but forgotten about in the past few months.
This has been my transformation and journey over the past 9 months in a nutshell. I am looking forward to 2014 and even more changes and growth that will happen, especially with Monster by my side. I look forward to blogging as a hobby and want to try to post something at least once a week. I hope that people who started liking, reading and following my blog in early 2013 will understand the reasons I have been gone for so long and that you will all enjoy the blog posts to come. To those of you reading this, thank you for coming back and to new readers, thank you for stopping by, I hope you like my blog and that you’ll come back to see new posts weekly.